The Cricket Hunter

March 23, 2007 at 11:09 pm (Uncategorized)

In honor of the warm weather I’m bringing out this old post, originally published last July. Cricket season will soon be upon us.

My husband has a super-power. It’s not super strength or the ability
to fly or something really useful like that. No, he has supersonic
hearing. This is another one of those things now listed in the "How did
I date you for 4 years and not realize this until we were married"
column (along with his golf addiction).

You’d think supersonic hearing would be useful. No need for a baby
monitor, he would hear the slightest cry and rush to the aid of the
infant. Right? Uh, no. It seems that somehow the supersonic hearing got
mixed in with the normal male selective hearing so he’s able to turn it
off and on for crying babies and requests to do the dishes at will.

Only digital clocks are allowed in our house. The others "tick too
loud". Seriously, the sound of the hands moving around the clock drive
him insane. Now I know there are some clocks that tick loud but we’re
not talking about those. We’re talking about normal clocks. I had a
small travel alarm clock that was inside a case buried at the bottom of
my stuffed-to-overflowing sock drawer and he could hear it. He couldn’t
find it, but he could hear it. And it drove him nuts. "Can’t you hear
that?" he asked, amazed that I couldn’t. I finally found the offending
clock and removed the batteries. Supersonic hearing.

I owned a watch once that ticked too loud. Oh, it was okay for
normal wear, but I couldn’t wear it to bed because if my arm was to
close to his head it would keep him awake. Supersonic hearing.

We sleep with a noise machine on every night, the fan going (even in
the dead of winter) and most nights he also has ear plugs in.
Supersonic hearing.

And apparently, I chew too loud. This is VERY disconcerting. I will
admit that somehow my parents failed in the "chew with your mouth
closed" manner teaching and this is a poor habit that I have. But
again, this goes in the "why didn’t you ever say anything during the 4
years we were dating" category. The poor man suffered through hundreds
of meals listening to me chomp away on my food, completely oblivious to
the fact that I was driving him crazy.

So after many years I am better. Granted, not perfect, but better.
But it’s not good enough. HE CAN STILL HEAR ME CHEWING….inside my
mouth….he can hear me move food around for more chewing…with my
lips sealed.  Seriously, we’ll be sitting on the couch watching TV and
if I’m eating he will leave the room! Supersonic hearing.

And now, the worst time of the year is upon us….CRICKET SEASON.
No, not the wicket and ball variety, the creepy, crawly, CHIRPY
variety. Very CHIRPY. And so was born the Cricket Hunter. Each night
when the sun finally fades and darkness falls, the chirping begins.
Slowly at first, then, like some sort of chorale society more join
crickets join the happy little chorus. And he stalks them. He follows
the sounds. He taps on walls, he climbs on the counters, he opens
cupboards, he crawls under desks. All in search of the elusive
chirping. He sprays, he swats and he hunts. After all, there’s not much
else he can do WITH ALL THAT NOISE going on. Supersonic hearing.

Two nights ago I went to bed before he did. As I laid my weary head
on the pillow I heard it, "chirp, chirp, chirp". It was in the wall,
right behind our bed. "Oh is he going to be mad" I thought to myself.
Ten minutes later I could take it no longer. I rolled over, found some
ear plugs and stuck them in. Supersonic hearing….maybe it’s catching.

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3 Comments

  1. Stacey said,

    I remember this one : )

  2. Cathy Gumm said,

    Julie, you describe this so well and I can see him doing all of it!

  3. Milly Toast said,

    You mean… crickets get inside your house? I have crickets inside my house but only because I put them there. My bearded dragon eats them. I love the singing though. My biggest problem is making sure they don’t get out and go through the wall to the neighbours. They would be horrified. My previous neighbours were pretty good about it but now I have new ones I have to be extra careful. If I lived in a place where crickets getting in the house was normal I wouldn’t have to worry. Somehow though, I think if I try to suggest that the crickets came in naturally from the garden I am not going to be believed here in Northern England.

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