Loud Talker Mom

September 26, 2006 at 12:15 pm (Parenting)

It’s a Seinfeld episode come to life…Loud Talker Mom. Have you met her?  I have, a couple of times. Last week it was at a big box store. My daughter and I were sharing a bargain lunch of  hot dogs, chips and a shared coke for under $3. Loud Talker Mom was doing the same with her 2 kids, plus Icees.

Loud Talker Mom talks to her kids but what she’s really doing is talking to you. I’m not sure if she wants you to be impressed with her parenting skills or if she just likes to hear how she sounds.

"Oh Emma, be careful with your arm. You have to be gentle since you broke it when you fell out of the playhouse yesterday." (Emma is well aware of how it happened, but loud talker mom assumes that every adult in the snack bar is wondering why the little girl has a cast on her arm. I wasn’t.)

"This is such a treat for you guys to have Icees. I never let you have this much sugar. Gosh, you’ve probably only had Icees once before in your life."

(I’m supposed to be thinking "Wow, what a great mom." Instead I’m thinking "Bummer, dude. Poor kids.")

I try to turn my attention away, but it’s kind of like a car wreck. No matter how mad you are at all the other cars slowing down when they pass to look, you do the same. So I listen, pretending not too, because that’s what she wants. But the more disinterested I look, the louder she gets.

Then, while she has her attention turned to her daughter and is loud talking about preschool, her son, probably 2, manages to spill 1/2 his Icee on his shirt. He looks at her, looks down at his shirt. Looks at her again, tries to get her attention… but she’s too busy loud talking. So he tries wiping big globs of Icee off his shirt with a small paper napkin. By the time she notices he has most of it wiped up, little trooper. She has no idea that 1/2 of his precious Icee is now gone.

As we cleaned up and got ready to leave I just smiled, thinking what a nice surprise she was going to have when she picked up the pile of innocent looking crumpled napkins from the table. But I’m sure it will make good loud-talking fodder for the next time her kids have Icees in 2011.



  1. Stacey said,

    Oh my goodness, this made me so sad! I was reading it and thinking about all the times I’ve run into the loud talking Moms! Why do they feel the need to share info with everyone around them?? Those poor kids will probably grow up to be loud talkers, too! That or they’ll never talk again!!

  2. Mark said,

    Hello Pot, this is Kettle… do you copy??

  3. Julie said,

    There’s a difference between talking loud all the time (yes, guilty) and talking specifically ABOUT things which you want the other person to overhear, dude!

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